What can we do if we get involved with a bad person? I ask the question because this is a common experience for people who seek to become closer to God.
First of all, we have to admit that there are such things as bad people. The sentimentalised modern idea is that everyone is basically good until proved otherwise whereas the traditional Christian belief was we are all basically bad until saved. But that is not what I mean here. I am referring to something over and above the Christian concept of original sin or, as some might just call it, the ego. I am talking about people who are spiritually rotten rather than just undeveloped, unawakened or run of the mill self-centred which is most of us.
Jesus described such people when he called the Pharisees a brood of vipers, specifically associating them with the serpent, Satan. He went on to say, "How can you, who are evil, say anything good?" (Matthew 12:34). Then in John 8:44 he says that their father is the devil and they do their father's desires. These are the fallen beings who come to this world already in league with or corrupted by dark forces. Christianity errs in thinking that souls are newly created when they come into this world. We all have a prior existence in the spiritual world and we have already been through many experiences before coming here which have made us the sort of person we are. Some may have spent previous lives in the physical world, others may have known existence in other dimensions. No human soul in this world is freshly hatched, and what I am calling a fallen being is one who has largely already chosen the path of God rejection and ego before all else.
I believe there are a large number of such souls around at the present time for one of the peculiarities of our age is that it is a summing up of a cycle when all the negativity of the past is released and that includes human negativity. These are hard words but look around. Can you call them unfair? Naturally, all souls can be saved. All are God's children and Jesus came to save sinners not the righteous, but it cannot be denied that it is hard to save a fallen being.
One of the reasons it is hard is because bad people genuinely have no idea they are bad. They even consider themselves to be good and that others who may get in their way are the bad ones. They are the best of self-justifiers. They can consistently behave appallingly to someone but if that person reacts just once then it is he who is at fault and anything the bad person may have done is explained and excused by that one reaction, even if it took place beforehand! I know someone who regularly abuses and insults her husband but if he ever reacts and responds in anger then he is the one at fault, never mind the fact that he puts up with a great deal most of the time. In her mind his one moment of anger justifies her constant aggression and rudeness.
A bad person completely lacks self-knowledge and does not even want it despite claims to the contrary. Most people will strive to understand their shortcomings up to a point but fallen beings are not interested in that. They seek only what bolsters their ego and are oblivious to anything that might show them up as self-concerned monsters. It is a psychological block which they have acquired over time, I am tempted to say over lifetimes, and generally speaking nothing can penetrate it. Perhaps in certain cases, suffering or an extreme experience of some kind, some light may dawn but that is not guaranteed by any means.
These fallen beings are souls that have chosen the wrong path over a long period. They come to this world already spiritually damaged goods, self-damaged, that is. Perhaps some of them are here now as a last opportunity to progress spiritually before being consigned to experiences elsewhere. They are being given another chance to repent. Of course, there is something of this in all of us. We all bear the burden of a corrupt ego as part of the human experience and we all need to repent, but these souls are ones who have consistently failed to do so and, as a result, embedded themselves further in the fallen self.
What, then, can we do if we are in similar position to the husband of the person just mentioned? If, that is, fate has thrown us together with a person of this sort, perhaps someone we might nowadays say suffers from narcissistic personality disorder which is a spiritual as much as a psychological sickness. We might start by accepting that there is a life lesson here. Jesus suffered abuse uncomplainingly. Perhaps we are being given a similar lesson, hard as it might be. Just as God can bring good out of evil, in some cases greater good than there would have been without the evil, so he can use such fallen beings as mediums through which to test us, test our self-control, our ability to remain detached and calm and not react in the face of attack, and our capacity to forgive. The Lord's Prayer asks God to "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." To be forgiven we must show that we ourselves can forgive, and how can we do that if there is nothing to forgive? Forgiveness purifies the heart. Without a cause to draw forth this forgiveness such purification is much harder.
Bad people exist and those on the spiritual path will frequently be thrown into close proximity with them. The task is to endure without responding in kind. This is the test to which we must be equal if we would follow the example laid down for us by Jesus. At the same time, it is foolishness to pretend that bad people are not bad. The devil loves to be thought misunderstood rather than wicked. He can pursue his ends that much more easily. As always we must balance love with wisdom and wisdom with love.
Is that your First impulse as a Christian?
ReplyDeleteTo do nothing?
Are you saying that I am saying that if you suffer from a bad person's words or actions you should just put up with it? No, I am not saying that. It all depends, but sometimes you may have to
ReplyDelete“A bad person completely lacks self-knowledge and does not even want it despite claims to the contrary. Most people will strive to understand their shortcomings up to a point but fallen beings are not interested in that. They seek only what bolsters their ego and are oblivious to anything that might show them up as self-concerned monsters.”
ReplyDeleteThank you for the helpful post William. My experience of such characters has been of those whose main source of ‘ego boosting’ is in the ‘spiritual’ realm – ‘spiritual narcissists’. Each time it has been a painful and profound learning experience. The range of personalities they take is huge and continues to catch me out for a moment.
They invariably have appealing qualities. Apparently. Otherwise it wouldn’t work. And have others around them in their sway. However, what I notice each time, is while they appear superficially very different, my inner radar, my intuition is strengthened and quickened.
“and generally speaking nothing can penetrate it.”
They are characterised by the complete absence of capacity for remorse or self-reflection. Recognising this holds me back from trying to get through to them and smashing myself on the rocks as I have in the past.
“so he can use such fallen beings as mediums through which to test us, test our self-control, our ability to remain detached and calm and not react in the face of attack, and our capacity to forgive..
the task is to endure without responding in kind.”
Yes. Either endure or walk away as appropriate. And forgive - as amazingly, it seems they really do know not what they do.
Colin
Thanks for the comment, Colin. You've drawn out and expanded on the post very helpfully. A 'spiritual' person is not supposed to think badly of anyone but we should not let good will blind us to reality. Fallen beings exist and must be recognised. We should not treat them as they treat us but we have to know what they are and that they will only exploit any perceived weakness. The injunction to be as harmless as a dove goes alongside that to be as wise as a serpent.
ReplyDeleteWe should pity your acquaintance who married the shrew, but we should escape from any bad people to whom we are not bound by vows. A bad person's power to hurt you is infinitely greater than your power to help them, and they will never be chastened to repentance by your patience, forbearance and love. As you say, your patience, forbearance and love they simply take as their due, and all they notice are lapses in this grace. Many spiritual perils come with keeping company with a bad person. Obviously, a bad person can sap your finite goodness, but suffering the insults and abuse of a bad person can also foster unhealthy spiritual pride. If you are bound to them by vows or truly believe they have been consigned to you by God, then you must make the best of a bad person. Otherwise, run away!
ReplyDeleteVery wise advice. Unfortunately, in my example there are children involved which complicates the issue.
ReplyDelete